Solving the Problem Doesn’t Really Solve the Problem ?

Time and again I have parents wanting to dissect a certain event that happened this week with their child, trying to figure out WHAT they were upset about.

News Flash: that doesn’t matter as much as having their feelings heard. For general every day stressors, your kid does not need to tell you the minute details of every challenge so that you can offer suggestions for what they can do next time.

They can do that themselves!

Where they get tripped up, and their brains trick them into thinking they can’t do it, is that they are not able to decrease their big emotions on their own unless they can name them. 

We cannot move to problem solving mode on our own (whether that means asking for help from mom or dad or not) if we don’t feel our feelings, name them, and tame them first.

Take Action

So, this week, instead of going on a mission to find a solution, play detective with your kiddo about what feeling they are expressing that day. Use the feelings posters I have on my site, or pull up the tablet to find your own. Ask them where they feel this in their body. For teens, figure out if they can name 3 physical signs of this feeling so they know what it is next time.

THEN, here’s the tough part… let them know if they need help to come up with a solution to the problem, you’re here, but that you want them to do something to help themselves calm that feeling first.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable with the idea of letting your kiddo figure it out on their own, or you’d like more support putting that into practice in group; click here to apply.

To watch more about why it’s important to set this skill up for your kid now, watch this week’s video here.

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