What to do when your teen’s BIG feelings are overwhelming…

Most parents we speak to feel stuck with their teen’s big feelings, because when they try to help problem solve their met with “you don’t get it!” or “that’s not gonna work!” It can feel like you’re just trying to keep your head from being bitten off. 

When teens share their frustration or their worry, (or huffs and puffs and door slamming) they don’t want you to try and fix the problem. Your teen probably already knows what they need to do. The problem they’re having is whether they feel secure in trusting their gut, or a worry that they’ll make it worse if they can’t get their big feelings under control.

Because when you go through life feeling ALL THE FEELINGS all the time, you can eventually get numb to them until you explode. So if your teen is sensitive, or a perfectionist, this might lead them to judge themselves or feel ashamed for even having feelings about something that didn’t go well in the first place.

So, when you point out a solution, (we get it, it’s automatic, you’re just trying to help!) you’re met with resistance in it’s ugliest form. Can put a damper on your vacation, can’t it?

So, instead of jumping to help your teen problem solve, clasp your hands tightly. Give your mouth a zipper, and nod. Repeat back to your teen what you heard. Even the last three words your teen said as a lead in question: “it’s not working?” Can help your teen feel heard. Listened to. And obtain the freedom to slow down enough to get their spinning thoughts under control.

Here’s the catch: this skill doesn’t always work like a magic wand. It’s the tip of the iceberg. And let’s face it, your teen still needs to learn how to slow down their reactions so you’re not met with constant irritability when you try to help.

If that’s something you want support or direction with, reach out for a complimentary call. We’ll talk about what works best for you and your teen to learn the skills to help life a more peaceful life.

https://thompsonchildtherapy.com/contact/

 

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